A few days ago, one of my bandmates called to ask about some arrangement issues with one of the songs we're working up. I was on the clock for West, so I wasn't able to answer the call, but I was able to shoot him a message on facebook to let him know that I could talk in another hour or so. Then I thought that maybe he wasn't at the computer which was why he was calling, so I sent him a text with the same info. We got a laugh out of me being "unavailable" at the same time I was completely available on the internet and by text.
Another friend and I have been lamenting our inability to hang out in person. Lately we've been talking almost every day and we definitely communicate in some fashion every day (yay!), but it's been months since we've been able to visit in person and share a Christian Side Hug (TM) and a cup of coffee. I love that we're so in touch right now, but it reminds me how much I would love to get together and spend some time visiting.
Jason and I have been ships passing in the night a bit lately. We were able to carve out some good time this weekend to just snuggle up together and actually BE together, but after a few days of not really spending any time together at all, we could both feel how much we needed to make that connection a priority.
What strikes me the most about this is that these are all people that I communicate with very regularly. But sometimes we just need MORE. A conversation that can't be fully expressed with just words on a screen. A physical interaction that can't be conveyed over the phone or in the five minute hand-off between work and school and rehearsals. Even if we're in touch, there's still something missing until we connect on a more personal level.
I've been thinking about this and how I think it relates to the church. Sometimes I think that the Church can be out of touch. I don't mean that it's not cool and with it. But rather that it can be out of touch with the needs of the people. We who make up the Church can be out of touch with the needs of those around us. We can get caught up in serving in the church or devoting ourselves to a particular doctrine or following a particular political ideology and the next thing we know, we're not actually dealing with people in any kind of meaningful way, but rather simply living parallel lives. We listen to the same music, but we don't discuss what it is about it that moves us. We like the same television shows, but we don't talk about how they make us reflect on our own lives. We poke and give virtual flowers on facebook, but we don't offer a hug or a stick of gum when we're together in real life. We'll rant on a blog about the church not offering help, but not knock on the neighbor's door with a plate of cookies and a visit.
In Matthew 25, Jesus tells us who the Church is and what the Church does. I think the next time that I'm feeling grumpy about the church, this list is going to be where I start looking. If I'm not doing this, then I'm not being the church myself and I'm not in touch either.
In just a few short days, we get to take the kids to their first They Might Be Giants concert. We're all super-stoked about it. I've been to a couple of their adult shows, and I'm really excited that they're doing a family show up in Pittsburgh. In preparation, we've been watching all of our kid DVDs and listening to lots of TMBG in the car.
And since we're at the beginning of another week, I thought today I'd post the Johns' take on the Seven Days of the Week. This is by far the ear-wormiest song that they do, in my opinion. Jason can start to hum just the first line of this, and it's in my brain for the rest of the day. Fortunately, that's not the worst ear-worm out there!
Just saying hi if anyone from Hemant's blog pops over here. I hope that I'm a friendly Christian in the way that Hemant is a friendly atheist. I love to dialog with folks from all walks of life. I think we're all a lot more alike than we are different and I think that finding those similarities helps us all be better people.
Nothing exciting to talk about today, so I'll just catch up on the goings on around here. Taking a couple months off from posting put me pretty far behind on the family updates.
Anyway, kids first:
Deborah -- Doing well this year. School is getting increasingly more challenging, which is a good thing, and she seems to be handling that quite well. She's been involved in all kinds of outside events, including Math Field Day, the Social Studies Fair & the Spelling Bee. Not as successful in moving on in those as she would have liked, but it was still an honor to participate in them. She had a great time doing it. The other big news is that she is still "dating" (apparently that's what they call it these days -- for those of us who are older, it would be more like "going together/going steady") her little boyfriend. They've been together 6 months and have gone on one date to McDonald's, supervised by me and his grandparents. It's all very cute. He treats his grandparents very well and he's been nothing but sweet to my daughter, so all is well on that front! She is also involved in the church youth group, called dv8 and is preparing to participate in the 30 Hour Famine. She started it last week, but the weather got bad, so they postponed the weekend. I'm sure it's going to be an amazing event for her to be a part of.
James -- Has also had a good year. School is going well for him, though we did have to be a little more diligent on watching that all assignments are completed after an incomplete assignment in the first quarter dropped one of his grades way below where it otherwise should have been. But aside from that, he's been doing well. We're starting to prepare for the Westest here in a couple of months, though I won't see results on that until the beginning of next year, I believe. He's deeply into Pokemon at the moment and any time he gets a little extra money from something, he ends up spending it on new Pokemon cards. It's hard for me to imagine that those things are still around, but they are, and he's becoming the expert on them!
Faith -- Has been somewhat ambivalent about this year. She really likes a number of her classmates, but had a hard time warming up to her teacher. That seems to be better now, but it was a bit of a rough start. Academically, she's doing very well, but she's tremendously shy, so her teacher suggested maybe waiting another year or two before testing for the gifted program. Her concern is that her shyness will keep her from answering questions to her full potential, so we're just putting that on the back-burner for now. With both of her older siblings in that program, I'm sure that's a bit of motivation for her as well, so we just try to keep her talking, which isn't always easy. One thing she does love to talk about is the Rainbow Magic books by "Daisy Meadows." She absolutely loves them and has been collecting them like crazy. I get to hear lots about fairies and goblins from her and her active imagination!
Christopher -- First grade has been a bit of an adjustment from kindergarten, but overall he seems to be doing well. His handwriting still needs a lot of work, but it has definitely improved from the beginning of the year. The biggest thing that we need to watch with him is that he pays closer attention. If we're practicing spelling words verbally, he can rattle them off without a thought, but when he gets writing them, he tends to leave out letters and ends up getting them wrong. I think when we practice we just need to do it the way that he will do it on the test. Socially he's doing well, but he still says that James is his "best brother -- he's my best friend AND my brother!" It's unbelievably sweet. He also loves Pokemon and loves trading cards with James. It's very fun.
Jason -- At the mid-point in his first semester back to school and is doing VERY well. I'm so proud of him! He has done better on nearly all of the exams and papers than he expected, and even in his most difficult class, he's doing well. He is on the night shift at work now and works from 9:30pm to 6am. It's not ideal, but honestly, he's a night guy anyway, so it seems to be working out for him. It definitely requires us to be much more intentional about spending time together when we can between homework, sleep, school & work, but for the most part I think we're making it work for our family. It will be a tough 2 years, but given how long he has wanted to finish his degree, I think this is the best thing that we can do.
Me -- Busy, busy, busy. And loving it. I started a new short-term project at the end of last year for work, and got picked up for the long-term project with the same company and I really enjoy it. My hours are all in the morning, M-F and it's just really good. I'm still terrible at sales, but I love actually helping people, and this job offers me opportunity to do that. I'm also still playing at church, which is great. I've had some really encouraging conversations there that have done wonders to heal old wounds not just from our prior church experience, but also some old, old, old stuff that I hadn't realized was still festering around. It's been incredibly positive. Additionally, I'm really involved in our cover band Under Shelter. We've done a bit of a marketing blitz and have started booking a number of gigs for this year. My summer weekends are quickly filling up with weddings in the tri-state area. It's very exciting and a bit surreal to be doing this now, considering I was never much for the performance side of music!
I think that little overview should get you a bit more up to date on what's new with our family. As always, feel free to drop me a line or shoot me a message on facebook!
Today is more about aesthetics than about lyrical content. We just finished watching two weeks of Olympics and my favorite athletes are the ones who exude just sheer joy in what they do. For me today, this piece takes me back to a place of sheer musical joy.
When I was in college, friends and I would make relatively regular trips to Pittsburgh for various musical experiences. Almost every Monday some friends and I went to a Pittsburgh bar to listen to the live jazz band that played there. And fairly often a group of us would drive into the city to see the Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra.
On one of the trips to the PSO, we got to see Orff's Carmina Burana conducted by Lorin Maazel. It was absolutely stunning. This was before O Fortuna had been killed by a thousand sports commercials and it was just a magical evening. We had spectacular seats for watching the orchestra, but honestly, I had my eyes closed and enjoyed the music that way most of the evening.
My favorite piece is a short baritone solo near the beginning of the third movement called Dies, nox et omnia. It requires the full range of the singer and is just absolutely heart-breaking when performed well (and no doubt heart-breaking when not performed well also, though for completely different reasons). Anyway, enjoy! And do what brings you joy!
I've had a really entertaining day. After my post earlier today, lots of txts flying around with me and a few friends. Mostly laughs, which is my favorite, but in the fun, so friendship affirming and building. Good times.
Aside from that, I've been asking friends on facebook to let me know their favorite "friend" song. Lots of great suggestions. I'm going to go out with my own personal favorite. This one reminds me of college. This was my "you really mean a lot to me, so here's a sappy song that's a little too gushy to be taken seriously, but really, you're awesome" song.
I know that Simon & Garfunkle have way better songs, but I still have a soft spot for this one.
When you're weary, feeling small, When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all. I'm on your side when times get rough And friends just can't be found, Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down. Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down.
When you're down and out, When you're on the street, When evening falls so hard, I will comfort you. I'll take your part, When darkness comes And pain is all around, Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down. Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay me down.
Sail on silver girl, Sail on by. Your time has come to shine. All your dreams are on their way. See how they shine. If you need a friend I'm sailing right behind. Like a bridge over troubled water I will ease your mind. Like a bridge over troubled water I will ease your mind. Like a bridge over troubled water I will ease your mind.
I'm taking a cue from one of my favorite bloggers and doing a list today. And seriously, if you haven't read SCL or pre-ordered the book, I would encourage you to do that as soon as possible. The blog is hilarious and brilliant and I have no doubt that the book will be as well.
Anyway, as anyone who reads my blog with any regularity knows, one of my big "things" is relationships and friendships. I've always been a friend person, but the past year, what with my bff moving away has once again shown me just how important people are to me, and how much I need them in my life. On Saturday night, a friend and I were trying to set up plans for us & our spouses to hang out and we were both lamenting our pititful "will you be my friend" status and it felt like a hugely awkward moment in trying to express that I really do appreciate his friendship.
So I got to thinking, how do you tell the other people that without sounding like a Bette Milder movie? Some thoughts:
1. Go ahead and sound like a Bette Midler movie. People everywhere are dying to know that they're the wind beneath your wings. You sing the chorus to that song and all will know that you are serious about what this friendship means. And also, that they might be dying.
2. Put on a beat-up, backwards cap, an old poncho, grab your guitar and sing some Garth Brooks. You should win a million dollars. With that cash, you can rent a sky-writer to tell whoever what their friendship means to you.
3. Play it cool. Make sure that they know how lucky THEY are to have YOU. Pull the old switcheroo.
4. Hallmark. Seriously, those tall tri-fold cards say it all.
5. Go up to them, give them a hug and tell them that you're glad you're friends.
Really, whatever you do, be sure to let them know. People need to know that they're important to you. It might feel a little goofy or weird, but do it. If you can't feel goofy and weird with your friends, who else are you going to feel goofy and weird with?
"I do think I'm very approachable as one of the guys, but maybe I need to be even more approachabler." ~Michael Scott
In the past week I've had two conversations with people who were talking about how hard it can be to broach a difficult topic with someone. Maybe you feel someone has done something that needs correction. Or maybe they said or did something that they didn't know was hurtful to you and you feel like you need to clear the air. Or maybe you just have something that you need to get off your chest.
I think sometimes we build up in our minds how the other person is going to react. We know that we would be unlikely to react in this manner, but for some reason, we expect that the person on the receiving end is going to freak out or something. We worry that our relationship will be irreparably harmed. Or something even worse that we can't even imagine. I know. I've been there. I play out the most horrific scenarios in my mind about what this person is going to say to me, how they're going to treat me, and how this relationship is going to effect every single other relationship that I have.
One of the first times that I really remember dealing with this was when I was in college. I'm sure I'd dealt with other difficult conversations before, but this was the first time that I remember sitting down and thinking that I wanted to deal with the discomfort immediately rather than to dwell on it for days before finally getting up the nerve to have the conversation. It was a relatively easy one. I was preparing for a recital, and needed the main hall to rehearse on the organ. I had booked it well in advance because I knew that I would need to practice on the instrument that I was playing on. I went in to a lesson only to be told that I would be unable to rehearse at my scheduled time because a professor "overturned" my booking so that he could rehearse another ensemble at that time. I was absolutely livid about this, but rather than sit and stew about it and start to worry about how whiny I would look or how mean he would be or how it might affect any of my grades with him, I decided to simply approach him about the issue. I explained how I was upset and together we worked out a way for us both to have access to the hall. It was so simple. No drama, no tears, no screaming. We just...talked. We communicated and everything was fine.
Granted, this has not always been the outcome. I've had some difficult conversations that were simply difficult. Lots of anger. Little understanding. No real move toward any kind of resolution. But those are incredibly rare. Most of the time these conversations aren't tough at all. They're just conversations. A few times they're hard, tear-filled, 10-tissue events, but even those generally have a good outcome.
So why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we avoid honesty, when honest communication almost always results in a better relationship? And what can we do to become "more approachabler"?
For me, I think I get myself all tangled up because I feel like people have a certain view of who I am and if I disrupt that view, they won't like me as much. But then I have to remind myself that if I'm not being honest, they don't really KNOW me to decide if they like me or not. Sure, they may like the version of me that I've allowed them to see or the version of me that they've assumed, but there's a good chance that it's not me. And if it's not me, it's not much of a relationship.
I also think that the second part stems out of the first. If I'm more honest about who I am, warts and all, I think that frees the people around me to be more honest. I don't think we have to be manipulative about exposing our real selves, but I do think that when people see that we're comfortable with who we are, they can be comfortable with who they are. And when we're all more comfortable, we can have real relationship. Not relationship based on trying to make someone something that they're not or trying to fit them into a mold that best suits us, but a real, genuine relationship.
