Wednesday, April 18, 2007


I knew it had been a while since I'd written, but I didn't realize it had been over 2 weeks. Yikes!

Anyway, things around here are interesting, as always. On Monday, I started taking meds for my depression. I've been trying to kick it without for a while now, and Coco has definitely helped some, but ultimately, it's just beyond my ability to just suck it up. So I saw the g-doc on Monday and she prescribed Lexapro for me. I'm starting off at 10mgs -- hopefully that will do. I feel a bit like crap today due to my brain being fried by some chemicals it's not used to, but hopefully by the end of next week, I'll start feeling a bit better.

I did meet with Rich & Sharon yesterday. There were parts that were okay, but plenty that was pretty crappy. There are things I wish I had been able to say, but didn't because I didn't want to seem manipulative by crying all over everything. I still cried some (do most days at some point), but managed to hold it together okay. I think that's probably going to be the end of that. Meeting didn't really get us any closer to a reconciliation than we were before and honestly, might have just made some things a bit worse (there was a bit of manipulation involving Deborah that was just wrong, wrong, wrong and pissed me off something fierce!), so barring a meeting with the elder of ToL present, I won't be doing that again.

In life outside of that, I'm still terribly excited about going to see TMBG with my best friend from high school on May 9th. They are such a fun show and hanging out with T is always a good time. I'm so jazzed about getting to see her AND the Johns. It's going to be a flippin' awesome night.

Alrighty, I know I didn't write much for a 2-week hiatus, but I've got to get some sleep. The drugs are making me a little loopy and I need some rest.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Day off (finally!)

I've been enjoying my day off here. I picked up some paint the last time I was at Wal*Mart & today I took advantage of the nice weather (before the not-so-nice weather that's supposed to roll in tonight) and painted the railing on our porch. It's been dingy and nasty since we moved in here six years ago and it finally got to the point that it just drove me crazy seeing it! So today it looks much, much better. It's a pretty sloppy job, but just having it white instead of "white speckled with moss and rust" is a huge improvement. I've got to get around the windows next, but that's going to have to wait a few weeks at this point. This desk jockey is just too tired to paint any more today!

I talked to Sharon a little bit today and we'll be all getting together next Tuesday. I'm both looking forward to talking to them and terrified of it. Either way, I hope just to have some closure, because even though I'm feeling better, there is still something pretty unfinished about the whole thing. Some kind of wrap up will definitely be beneficial, as there are a few places that have asked Jason or Jason and I to help out with worship. We're not rushing into anything at all right now, but I don't think we could even begin to consider anything until we get some kind of release from the stuff at ToL.

Personally, I'm doing a bit better. Some days are still pretty dark, but nothing like it was. I still feel kind of on the outside at a lot of church functions, but part of that is probably that I'm just wholly unconvinced that we're where we're settling down for good. It feels like putting in time, and with that being the case, it's hard to really engage in anything. I know that's probably not the best attitude to have, but if we're being honest, it's what I'm doing.

Been reading Max Lucado's "It's Not About Me" and doing the guided journal for that. It's been really beneficial. I'm still working on sorting out the balance between burying one's talents and serving self, especially when talents tend to be "out front." I'm not sure how to strike that balance, but it's my current journey of introspection.

Okay, enough typing on the computer. I'm off to get some more stuff done! Be blessed!

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Totally random stuff

If anyone happens to love DC*B and knows that squirrels are evil, be sure to check out this video. Still no word on it's origins, but it's brilliant nevertheless! And even if you don't get it, the song is still very cool.

And in other exciting news, TMBG is heading back to Pittsburgh this May, so w00t! Seeing them live is even cooler than listening to their cd's (or cassettes, even!), so I'm very excited about getting to do it again. They've got a new project coming out before too long, so this is kind of a kick-off tour. I'm so jazzed that they're coming to the 'Burgh. Awesome.

Picked up the new cd "Glory Revealed" at iTunes the other day. It's a cd of Scripture songs done by various artists. Very well done. Has some "newgrass" -- banjos and mandolins -- undertones, which I love. And you just can't go wrong with Scripture set to some tunes. There's a lovely version of the Jude doxology by Shane & Shane and DC*B that's probably my favorite on the disc. Gorgeous harmonies, lovely accompaniment -- I've got it playing now and it's really just nice. Short (under 2 minutes), but great.

Coco is a doll. I love having a dog. We're pretty sure she's a beagle, straight up. She's about 13 inches tall, has all the beagle features, all that good stuff. According to a friend online who breeds beagles, her coloring is lemon. Either way, she's just a precious member of our family now. And, thank heavens, she finally seems to be doing better with the cats (and they with her). I'm hoping that in the next few weeks, we'll just see that improve more.

Work is rough -- we're back to 6 days again. So, for the first time ever (in my memory, anyway), I'm missing Palm Sunday. Holy week is definitely my favorite week of the year and it's definitely difficult to reflect on the Passion of our Lord while trying to explain someone's bill to them. *sigh*

The washing machine is FINALLY fixed. So, for two days I could do laundry in my house again. Then yesterday, my drier died. Actually, it's not dead, but the heating element that actually makes it, ya' know, DRY THINGS crapped out. So now I've got to figure out how to stretch out the kids' clothes til Jason can get that repaired. I'm just praying that someone has the part in stock so we don't have to wait to get it.

Anyway, check out the vid at the top. It'll make you happy. And may you remember the goodness of our Savior, that He would choose to give His life in the most painful, humiliating, agonizing manner so that we may live with Him eternally. To Him be all glory and honor and power and majesty forever and ever, Amen!

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I'm a wife to an amazing man, and mom to four incredible kids. I'm a Christian woman who sometimes struggles with doubt. I'm a musician and a writer who is sometimes afraid to play and write. I'm trying to be more authentic every day.
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