Friday, October 08, 2010

Not Like This

Sometimes I look at where I am now and think, "This isn't what my life was supposed to be like."

Yeah, I know, totally unique in that, right?

Okay, so of course we all have that feeling every now and again. A relationship that should have turned out differently. A job opportunity that was lost. A bad choice that resulted in some negative consequences. Sometimes it's not even a bad thing, it's just something completely different than what we had planned. We all have encountered different things that cause us to step back from where we are and say, "Not like this."

I think that's okay. I think that sometimes we need to look back at our plans or hopes or dreams and take a minute to grieve their loss. Acknowledging that we aren't where we expected to be is a good step in accepting and embracing where we are.

I definitely didn't plan on having four kids. I didn't know that I was going to hate what I studied for in college. I didn't think that depression was going to be something that I was going to struggle with as an adult.  I didn't expect to be hurt by people in the Church so badly.

But I also didn't expect to have the opportunity to get to know and love the four people who are my kids. I didn't expect to be able to use my musical training in so many different and unique ways. I didn't know that depression would give me a greater empathy for people who are going through their own dark places. I didn't expect to be able to use the hurt from the Church to connect with (and maybe minister to?) others and form some really deep friendships.

No, my life wasn't supposed to be like this.

But this is pretty good.

What are some of the good things that have come from your life not being what you expected?
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I'm a wife to an amazing man, and mom to four incredible kids. I'm a Christian woman who sometimes struggles with doubt. I'm a musician and a writer who is sometimes afraid to play and write. I'm trying to be more authentic every day.
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